Parenting by Strengths

Digital time-out

by Amy Johnson, MSW

Diligent Joy Training, Education, Coaching

At a recent fundraiser, I saw a little boy bugging his mom to bid on the basket I had donated.  Filled with small card games, Farkle, and a couple of pieces of chocolate as a nod to the theme, it sat among other baskets filled with flowers, chocolate, toys, and tea.

"It would be perfect for digital time-out," he said excitedly.  I looked at his mom.  She said, "Digital time-out.  Every Sunday afternoon, we go home and unplug.  No TV, no computer, no hand held or video games.  Digital time-out."

What a smart mom.  What a cool tradition for the entire family.  Here's how to make your own family digital time out:

• Parents play too. Take this time to unplug yourself, as well as your kids.
• Set aside a specific time frame each day and/or week. It might be after a certain time each night, or like this family, one afternoon each week.
• Substitute relationship and tradition-building activities. You could take turns deciding what to do, play board games, plant a garden, read together, bake something, or go on a field trip.  Whatever you do, get any online reserach done before it's time for your time-out.
• See what happens.  Notice if the tussles over electronics lessen over time, now that you have a designated time to do stuff without them. Notice if you are uncomfortable, too, leaving your cell phone off for a few hours.
• Adjust as needed. Maybe you're a family who needs digital time-out some of every day, maybe once a week--or maybe both.  Adjust to your family's needs.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a time-out.....

 

 

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Taming the Media Monster

By Amy Johnson, MSW
Diligent Joy Parent Coaching and Education

 

Did you know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO TV for children under age 2? (http://www.aap.org/sections/media/toddlerstv.htm)  For elementary age children, the recommendation is no more than two hours per day. http://singleparents.about.com/od/parenting/ss/limitscreentime.htm Here’s why these recommendations exist and how you can implement them in your house.

Why?

According to the Mayo Clinic, too much screen time in children has been linked to:

• obesity
• irregular sleep
• behavioral problems, and
• impaired academic performance

If you are struggling with any of these issues with your child, consider lowering how much time they are spending in time of a screen each day.  Don’t forget to count time they may be spending on video games, the computer, or television at home and at child care.  For more information on how TV affects your child, go here: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/tv_affects_child.htm

How?

Here are some tips for keeping the screen time down in your house:

• Keep TVs and computers out of bedrooms.  Make sure they are in family areas that are easily observed and supervised.  This way, you can monitor not only how much your children are watching, but also what they are watching.
• Plan the usage.  Decide ahead what shows your child may watch, what sites they may visit, and when they can be on the computer.  Stay away from inappropriately violent or explicit content for young children in all three areas: computer, internet, and video games.  Some video game producers make violence look “fun” or “harmless.” But young children cannot always tell the difference and may inadvertently be learning that hitting doesn’t cause any harm. 
• Use the tools on your TV.  Utilize your parental controls to determine what access children have to which shows and channels on the television and which sites for the internet and computer.  Use the sleep feature on your television so that it turns off after 30 minutes.  Be creative.
• Don’t eat in front of the television.  This creates more mindless eating habits, and takes away from time you can be conversing as a family about your day.
• Set rules for school days. Make sure homework is done first, and non-media play time has a chance before television or the computer.  If your child needs to use the computer for an assignment, monitor their use.
• Suggest other activities.  Good old reading, playing outside, or trying your hand at a board game are all options.  Even if you get rolled eyes or huffy breaths, hang in there and give your child a chance to come up with something else to do.
• Be a good example.  Limit your own use of computer and television, especially when your child is around.  Make use of your time together to talk, play a game, prepare a snack or meal together, or just hang out.

Here are some resources for more ideas about curbing the media monster in your house!

• Limiting Screen Time
• Healthy Habits info from Kids Health
• How to Limit TV time
• How to Limit Video Game usage

Amy Johnson, MSW,is a Personal Parent Coach who is passionate about working with parents regarding balance, self-care and faith and sexuality. She is co-author of the book, Parenting by Strengths: A Parent's Guide to Challenging Situations.  Amy is also a member of the Best Parent Coaching Directory. Click here to contact Amy.

Rules Rule! And other helpful hints about 6-12 year olds….

by Amy Johnson, MSW

Diligent Joy Parent Coaching and Education

 

It's back to school time, and the developmental stage that spans 6-12 years old encompasses most children in elementary school.  One of the developmental jobs at this age it to learn about the rules that help us live with others. Parents, you can help by deciding what is nonnegotiable and what is negotiable in your house, and talking about what is nonnegotiable and negotiable in other places your child frequents, such as school, church, sports, clubs, grandma's house, etc.

Nonnegotiable rules are rules you have about safety, morals, health, etc.  Negotiable rules are about other things like money, free time, activities, etc.  Rules that are nonnegotiable help children learn limits.  Rules that are negotiable help them learn about thinking and problem-solving.  Both are important life skills.  As your child grows older and more competent and mature, the number of nonnegotiable rules you have is likely to decrease, while the negotiable ones increase. 

When helping your child learn about rules, here are some tips* for working with children in this age range:

• Teach the reasons behind the rules.

• Provide and follow through with three basic rules that all other rules fall under:

With your body and your words:

1. Respect yourself (Don't hurt yourself)
2. Respect others (Don't hurt others.)
3. Respect property (Don't hurt property.)

• Teach and consistently reinforce rules that are specific to the functioning of the family in which the child lives.
• Provide opportunities to practice the skills involved in a variety of family household chores.
• Offer opportunities to learn that there are different rules outside the family and the child is responsible for respectfully following those rules.
• Assure that the child is appropriately discomforted when a rule is broken.
• Monitor media and all screen time exposure (more on this in the next issue!).
• Teach child how to recognize and what to do in unsafe situations according to the circumstances.

* This information is from the "How Much Is Enough?" curriculum.  Check out Upcoming Events for the opportunity to meet with other parents and caregivers to learn more about this and other concepts!

Amy Johnson, MSW,is a Personal Parent Coach who is passionate about working with parents regarding balance, self-care and faith and sexuality. She is co-author of the book, Parenting by Strengths: A Parent's Guide to Challenging Situations.  Amy is also a member of the Best Parent Coaching Directory. Click here to contact Amy.

Help for Fun- Safe Cyber Teens

by Mary Ivory

The world of cyber space is ever expanding and it can be, well, exhausting to keep up with tweens and teens who know it better than most of us! So good news is a free book has been published that addresses teens about safe space in the world of being wired and connected. It addresses the dangers and fears of cyber world but with all important action steps to keep safe and how to address problems pronto!

I suggest it be a family book club selection and you read and discuss this book together.....

You get to encourage reading for comprehension and review safe behaviors all in one! What a win!

Download Own Your Space Teen Book _All Chapters This link will take you to a pdf of the entire book. It is a big file. It will take a few minutes to download to your computer.You may prefer the option in the next paragraph. 

You may want to go to the Own Your Space link and view the book by chapter selection. You can forward this link to your kids and they can help themselves.

I would love to hear what you think!

 

 

 

 

 

Online Savvy for Summer

By Amy Johnson, MSW

Personal Parent Coach

School is out for most children and teens, which often means more free time.  How can you help keep your child or teen safe electronically this summer?  Aside from tossing all cell phones and computers, here are some tips.

•    Remind them that nothing in cyberspace is every really private and that you can’t ever “unsend.”
•    Talk to your child and teen about online conversations, information sharing, and texts.  Make sure they know it’s difficult to tell who is really on the other end of these conversations, and that it’s very easy for them to be forwarded without their knowledge.
•    Talk about how it’s virtually impossible to be anonymous electronically
•    Remind them they shouldn’t give in to peer pressure to do anything that makes them uncomfortable, even electronically.  For more information about these issues and about “sexting” (sending sexually suggestive pictures or texts), go to http://www.thenationalcampaign.org.  

•    Here are some other helpful sites:

o    http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/index2.html.  This site has lots of information about cyber bullying, and guidelines by age of how to help your child or teen be safer online.

o    http://www.athinline.org . This MTV site includes a quiz for preteens and teens to test their safety savvy online.  Encourage or require your child/teen to take the quiz as part of the responsibility they have for the privilege of using the internet or having a cell phone.  Talk about the results together.  

o    http://wiredsafety.org/fbprivacy/index.htm.  This is a step-by-step guide for how to set your privacy settings on facebook to decrease the amount of information shared with outside sites.  Go through it with your child/teen for their site, and for your own if you have one. 

o   http://www.opendns.com/familyshield  This free program allows you to protect every internet-connected device in your home at once--no need to purchase multiple copies of software for multiple computers. 

o    Consider a parental control system for cell phones, such as the one from SMobile (http://www.smparentalcontrols.com/).  For under $30 a year, you can monitor texts, set alerts, and more.

Parents have the responsibility to set appropriate limits for cell phone and computer use.  These are privileges, and require responsibility in order to be extended.  Keep informed, keep cool, and keep your summer safe online.

FREE SPECIAL REPORT:  10 Terrific Tips for a Successful Summer!  To receive, simply sign up for my FREE bimonthly enewsletter for parents! I never sell or give away your information, and you are able to unsubscribe at any time. 

Amy Johnson, MSW,is a Personal Parent Coach who is passionate about working with parents regarding balance, self-care and faith and sexuality. She is co-author of the book, Parenting by Strengths: A Parent's Guide to Challenging Situations.  Amy is also a member of the  Best Parent Coaching Directory. Click here to contact Amy.

Using Your Strengths: One Mom's Story!

by Amy Johnson, MSW

Julie and I met at the end of a flight from DC to Denver.  We were sitting next to each other and struck up one of those conversations you strike up when you think you'll never see the person again.  45 minutes later, we were still on the tarmac, and as it turned out, only beginning our adventure together.

Both coming from the East Coast and traveling to Seattle, we had different stories. Julie, a mom with young children, had taken on the adventure of leaving them with grandparents and flying across the country to a blogger conference in Baltimore, stopping to sight-see in DC on her way home.  I was chaperoning three youth/young adults from my church.  We were returning from a trip to DC where we had joined members of other faith communities to advocate for comprehensive sexuality education.

As it turns out, we were stranded together all night in Denver, due to a late March blizzard that shut down the entire airport.  We adopted each other, ate together, stood in line together, scouted options for each other, and rallied around the youth for the couple of hours of sleep we got on the nice mats we were given to put on the floor. 

We all miraculously ended up on the first flight out of Denver the next a.m., bonded for life.  Now, Julie has thrown her hat in the ring on the Oprah site for her own show.  It's about things people do everyday for fun and exercise.  She is using her strengths in social media to reach moms and others and encourage them to exercise for fun and to feel good and be healthy--not with that depressing goal (for many of us) of trying to be buff.  I am a big fan of this idea, especially since Julie witnessed me and one of my youth doing yoga in the airport during our strandedness.  So, if you want to, you can go here and vote for her.  Meanwhile, you can also check out the other entries--many are of women using their strengths in various ways.

Julie also has her own blog and website:  Chubby Mommy Running Club.  Plus, you can find her on facebook.  Meanwhile, here's to all of us finding our strengths as parents and people, and implementing them in creative and lifegiving ways!

Amy Johnson, MSW,is a Personal Life and Parent Coach who is passionate about working with parents regarding balance, self-care and faith and sexuality. She is co-author of the book, Parenting by Strengths: A Parent's Guide to Challenging Situations.  Amy is also a member of the Best Parent Coaching Directory. Click here to contact Amy.

National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy--Take the Quiz!

by Amy Johnson, MSW

Attention Parents!  May is National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month, and today *May 5th) is the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Click on the link below to play the game and/or take the quiz to test your knowledge about teen pregnancy and related topics.  Encourage your teens to do the same.

http://www.stayteen.org/quiz/game.

For more info for parents about how to talk to teens about sex and pregnancy, go to The National Campaign website.

Do something about Bullies--- NOW!

by Mary Ivory

I have written about bullying here before, particularly the impact of home computers, cell phones and now social networking (Twitter, Facebook and other sites). Kids can be bullied all day long and into our homes if we don't watch closely. My husband Mike, who is kind and wonderfully supportive of my blogging and coaching, usually says little about what I do here, but today was different. "You have to write about this! You can't believe the sad story I heard on the radio." I told him I was hesitant to write about it again, I don't want to be repetitive here blogging about fearful things, but then I saw this story on the evening news..... Yes, there have been other stories on the evening news, but this one really hit me hard with this statistic-- only 36% of the kids interviewed ever told an adult about the bullying! What an unbelievable number. We must give these kids a voice. We must make it really stupid to be a bully!

So here is what you need to do. Get informed, not overwhelmed. Take a few deep breathes. Watch this clip from the CBS Evening News. Then send this to a friend ask them to watch it. Then take a few more deep breaths and talk with your informed friends and DO something to stop bullying. Talk with your kids, nieces, nephews, schools and teachers. Talk about it! Again they say almost 2/3 of the kids being bullied ever tell an adult. We have to change that! It is not okay! Save a life. Talk about it even if others don't want to listen. Get active, tell kids you know you want to know if someone is bullying them or anyone in their school. We must change this. NOW.......

What do you think???

And here is another CBS news piece with some great solutions listed...... Great story! But still we need to take action.

New Threat to Kids on Your Home Computer

by Mary Ivory

I feel a bit out of character always ring the alarm bell here on the parenting blog about the use of the Internet but I will do it! This is about the newest social networking site. Chat Roulette is a popular new chat website that puts users face-to-face with complete strangers via webcams.  It was designed by a teen in Europe, and it has become wildly popular. I learned about it on this CBS Early Show report.

Knowledge is power. You have heard me say that before. This one a piece of knowledge you can get the step up on. Learn about Chat Roulette and block it from your home computer. Watch the video with your teens, and talk with them about your concerns that they will meet dangerous people there and that is why you don't want them to be involved. Again, this is a teachable moment, to let your kids know they can ask you about anything, anytime because you will be fair and honest with them. You may get some eye rolling or 'I don't want to talk about that'. Assure them you understand that it is uncomfortable, but you are there for them. Always. You will be glad you did.

And the kids are glad too. Even if they don't act like it.

Information Overload or Excitement ?

by Mary Ivory

Information is coming at us from everywhere; I'm calling it information acceleration. To be your best coach,  I want to know the latest technology and brain research We can design a 'tech plan' for you and your kids.

Today we can read about almost anything imaginable without leaving the spot you are at right now.....your computer, your telephone with internet connection or pda. David Rock brings together some great ideas on the brain about how we process multiple levels of information in this

Hufffington Post. I found it very interesting and think you might too.

Today I have a couple of questions for you. Write back your answers and we can 'talk' on the blog about what works. Creating a tech plan for the information acceleration will make our lives better each day.