Parenting by Strengths

‘Tis the Season to Build an Attitude of Gratitude

By Mary Ivory

Note this is a republished article from Toni Shutta's newsletter. We thought you might like it here!

Thanksgiving is a North American holiday associated with the harvest of crops. Although we buy most of our food at the grocery store now, the holiday gives us a good reason to stop and take stock of what we’re grateful for and to take steps to build an attitude of gratitude in our kids.

There’s plenty of research from the field of positive psychology that demonstrates that instilling an attitude of gratitude in your child will have life-long benefits. 

(As a background note, positive psychology is the scientific study of what goes right in life from birth to death. It contrasts with the traditional study of psychology that has long focused on problems. Positive psychology studies strengths.)

People who regularly incorporate gratefulness practices in their life also report a higher level of life satisfaction or happiness.

Furthermore, people in a positive emotional state demonstrate more flexibility and creativity in their thinking strategies. And isn’t that what you want for your kids? You want them to be happy and good thinkers.So, let’s look at how to increase the amount of thankfulness in your family. Focused attention is needed, but it’s fun work to do!

 

Ten Terrific Tips, cont.

by Amy Johnson, MSW
Diligent Joy Training, Education, Coaching

Last time, I talked about the importance of sleep, staying positive, and screen time, among other things.  Remember, for more information on each of the tips, you can download the entire booklet for FREE from my blog

Tips, cont.

Tip #6:  Monitor your teens.  Don’t fall into the idea that because they can legally stay home alone they should be unsupervised all summer.  Check out the research in the booklet.

Tip #7:  What are we gonna do?  Boredom has its benefits.  Find out what they are here and avoid rescuing your child when you could help them develop needed skills.

Tip #8: Being Available.  Work on sitting down and being available when your child comes in the room.  Even if it’s for a few minutes, the rewards can be priceless.

Tip #9: Play together.  Find things you all enjoy doing as a family and invest in them.

Tip #10: But it went so fast…..Consider an end of summer scrap book activity with the whole family to hang on to favorite memories.

So that’s it!  Ten tips to help you make the most of the rest of the summer.  Enjoy!

Ten Terrific Tips

This will be a bit of a teaser article.  I’m going to give you the 10 tips, in a two-part article.  If you want more information and ideas, download the entire booklet for FREE from my blog.

Tip #1: What I Like About You.  Write what you like about your kids to get in a positive frame of mind.

Tip #2:  Review your summer safety tips.  It’s always good to go over safety about sun, water, being home alone, etc. depending on the age of your child. 

Tip #3: Childcare.  Make sure yours is competent, safe, trained, and if not adult, can reach an adult if needed.

Tip #4: Sleep:  Be aware that extra activities and vacations can disrupt sleep schedules.  So can time changes and when it gets dark.  For tips, check out the booklet.

Tip #5: Screen the screen time.  Make sure your kids aren’t spending the summer with the TV or computer/internet as their babysitter. 

 

Next time:  monitoring, boredom, playing together, and more.

 

Stay-Cation Ideas for Spring Break

By Amy Johnson, MSW
Diligent Joy Parent Coaching and Education

Spring is officially here, and with it comes Spring Break.  For many families, budgets are tight.  If you are hanging around for your child’s spring break and want some adventure and fun, check out these ideas.

Whichever you choose, be sure to involve your family and children (above age 7) in the planning.  Give choices that you can afford and make time for, but remember that having input helps children have more ownership of the activity.  Consider having the child who chose the activity act as a “guide for the day” and point out the cool things the activity has to offer.  Taking time together can be a wonderful way to bond as a family.  Do some planning ahead—is your family one where everyone likes to try new things or likes the comfort of old favorites?  Are you adventurous vacationers or relaxers?  Keep these in mind while planning.

Even if you can’t afford the money or time to fly across the country to a resort or fancy hotel, consider spending one or two nights in a nice hotel nearby.  Some offer stay-cation specials, so be sure to ask.  Pick one with a pool or spa and treat yourself to some fun and relaxation. 

City Pass offers admission to several local city attractions at about half the cost you’d pay for separate admissions.  Passes are good for nine days from the first day you use them.  Plus, you can often skip admission lines, because you’ll already have your ticket.  Check it out!

Plan a family movie marathon.  Check out Film Fun for the Whole Family for ideas of films for the different ages in your house.  Pop some popcorn, make a blanket tent, and chill out.  You might make up a rating sheet with categories on it:  Best actor, Best actress, Most Funny, Most Meaningful, etc.  or simply rate the movies from one to ten after watching.  Talk about what you liked or didn’t like about the movie and why.  What was your favorite part?  Least favorite part?  What kind of alternate ending might you create if you were the director?

Go green! 

• Visit a local nature center. 
• Start a garden in your backyard. Depending on what area you live it and what you’re planting, you may want to start some of your garden varieties inside until it gets warmer at night.
• Go for a hike.  Check out this site for some recommended books with hikes in your area.

Having fun as a family doesn’t have to break the budget.  Put some thought into your these activities, and increase the chances for a fun Spring Break!

Amy Johnson, MSW, is a Coach, Educator, and Trainer in the Pacific Northwest.  She is co-author of the book, “Parenting by Strengths: A Parent’s Guide for Challenging Situations.”  Amy facilitates classes and workshops in the Puget Sound area and online.  She specializes in working with parents and also in sexuality education

Hectic Holidays: Lesson #3

Create More Joy, Less Chaos
Lesson #3

By Amy Johnson, MSW
Diligent Joy Parent Coaching and Education


This is the third article in a series designed to bring you tips to create more joy and less stress this Holiday Season—whether you are celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, winter solstice or are just caught up in the flurry of everyone else’s holiday madness.

Last time, we reviewed that extra activities, demands, and obligations this time of year energize some people and stress others.  I encouraged you to consider the following if you are one who is stressed. These signs of stress overload from HelpGuide.org:
•    Constant worrying, or seeing only the negative
•    Inability to relax, feeling overwhelmed
•    Eating more or less
•    Isolating oneself
•    Using alcohol or other drugs to relax

One thing that helps many families is to take a little time each year to reflect on what to keep and what to change.  For some, this may seem sacrilegious:  change something?  About the holidays?  Blasphemy! If this is your philosophy, I urge you to read this story.

     The newly married daughter was preparing her first Christmas family dinner. As she was about to put the large ham in the oven to begin baking, her mother stopped her and said "You have to cut three inches off the ham before you bake it."
     Puzzled, the daughter asked her mother why?
     "Because that's the way my mother taught me to do it," said the mother.
     Still puzzled, the daughter went to find her grandmother.
     "Nana," she asked, "Mom says you have to cut 3 inches off of the ham before putting it in the oven to bake. Why?"
     "Well, that's how my mother taught me to do it, and it's the way I've always done it," replied the grandmother.
     Curious, the young bride went into the living room where the family was gathered around great grandmother.
     "Nona," she asked, "Grandma says you taught her to cut 3 inches off of the ham before putting it in the over. I'm puzzled. Why is that necessary?"
     "Well, dear, when I was a new bride, just starting out, I baked my first ham for Christmas dinner. The ham was 18 inches long. The largest roasting pan I had was 15 inches long, so I had to cut three inches off of the ham to make it fit the pan."

Sometimes, holiday traditions outgrow their usefulness.  One of the ways to know which ones still bring us joy and are important is to take time to re-assess.  In their book, “Unplug the Christmas Machine,” Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli discuss taking time to see what everyone still loves and treasures, and create your holiday around those traditions. 

In addition, they identify “the four things children really want for Christmas,” which are a relaxed and loving time with the family, realistic expectations about gifts, an evenly paced holiday season, and reliable family traditions.  The key is to make at least some of those traditions ones that bring you and your family joy. 

Though it may be too late to make huge changes this year, you still have time to make sure you create some joy for yourself this season, even if it is a cup of tea by the fire.  Then, as you work on New Year’s Resolutions, consider what went well, what could have gone better, and what you might want to keep and change about the holiday season moving forward.  Get your immediate family’s input, and make some goals for next season.

Next time:  “SMART” goals for the New Year

Hectic Holidays: Lesson 2

Create More Joy, Less Chaos
Lesson #2

By Amy Johnson, MSW
Diligent Joy Parent Coaching and Education

 

This is the second article in a series designed to bring you tips to create more joy and less stress this Holiday Season—whether you are celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, winter solstice or are just caught up in the flurry of everyone else’s holiday madness.

Extra activities, demands, and obligations this time of year energize some people and stress others.  If you are one who is stressed consider these signs of stress overload from HelpGuide.org:
•    Constant worrying, or seeing only the negative
•    Inability to relax, feeling overwhelmed
•    Eating more or less
•    Isolating oneself
•    Using alcohol or other drugs to relax

While it may seem counter-productive to put one more thing on your to do list this week, taking a few minutes for this activity can help increase your sense of contentment, especially if you practice it regularly over time. 

Start today by keeping a gratitude journal—it can be a notebook or a pretty journal just for this purpose. 

Why would I tell you to do one more thing if you’re already overloaded?  Because research shows that training yourself to be grateful for what is currently in your life is one simple way to increase your happiness and satisfaction, and I want you to feel that instead of constant stress.
 
Here’s how you do it.  Upon wakening or before you go to bed (or even better—both, but hey, I’m realistic.  Just start with one or the other), write down 10 things for which you are grateful.  If you have trouble thinking of 10, start with five. If you are stuck, start with simple things like: “I am grateful for this bed in which I’ve slept.”  “I am grateful for the roof over my head.” “I am grateful there was hot water for the shower this morning.” “I am grateful for my children.”  Gradually, you might get to things like “I’m grateful I kept my temper with my son today.” “I’m grateful for my boss.”  “I’m grateful for the ability to spend time with family.”  Keep it up for at least 30 days and see what you notice. 

What’s the science behind why this works?  Our minds tend to notice more of what we focus on.  For instance, what type of car do you drive?  Many people report an increase in the number of vehicles they notice once they drive that vehicle.  I often say I had no idea how many silver vans there were in the world until I started driving one.  Now I see them everywhere. The same holds true with the gratitude journal.  If we spend a few minutes re-focusing our minds on those things for which we are grateful, we begin to see more of those things showing up in our lives.  They may have already been there; however, we notice them more, and consequently, feel more content.  And that’s something we can all use amongst the holiday bustle.

Next time:  priorities. 

—Amy Johnson, MSW, is a Coach, Educator, and Trainer in the Pacific Northwest.  She is co-author of the book, “Parenting by Strengths: A Parent’s Guide for Challenging Situations.”  Amy facilitates classes and workshops in the Puget Sound area and online.  She specializes in working with parents and also in sexuality education. 

Gratitude

By Amy Johnson, MSW
Diligent Joy Parent Coaching and Education


Gratitude:  we hear a lot about it this time of year.  Count your blessings.  Be grateful for what you have.  Say one thing you’re thankful for before we eat. 

Here’s a twist on this concept for parenting.  Parents tell me this is the one thing I tell them to do that changes everything.

Think of your child.  If you have more than one, begin with the child that is the most challenging for you right now.  Get out a piece of paper, and list five things you love about that child.  They can be general (she is enthusiastic) or specific (I love the way his laugh sounds). 

Place the list where you will see it so that you read it every night before you go to bed and every morning before you start interacting with that child.  Then do an experiment and notice if anything changes for you over the next week or two.

If this is helpful to you, you can make a list for all of your children.  If you want to take it a step further, make one about your partner or spouse, if you have one.  And finally, make a list of five things you love about yourself as a parent.  Read these faithfully every night before sleeping and every morning before you interact with others.

Research shows that we notice more of what we focus on.  For example, what type of car do you drive?  Do you notice that make and model more now that you are driving it?   Many people say yes.  And it’s because it’s in the forefront of your mind more, so you notice more of those cars—not because there are all of the sudden more of them in your town. 

The same holds true with parenting.  It’s not a magic wand—however, if we focus on those attributes we love in our children, our spouse and ourselves, we are more likely to see them more often.  And that changes everything.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tag line—Amy Johnson, MSW, is a Parenting Coach and Educator in the Pacific Northwest and co-author of the book, “Parenting by Strengths: A Parent’s Guide for Challenging Situations.”  She facilitates parenting classes and workshops in the Puget Sound area and online.  She also teaches sexuality education to parents, professionals and teens. 

 

Holiday greetings, parents!

by Chuck Adam

As we celebrate the holy holidays of Christmas, Hanukkha, Kwanzaa, and Eid al Aida on the way to the start of a new year, I want to invite you to consider your greatest blessings (your children) and what your greatest gifts to them might be.

There is probably no greater joy–-and possibly no greater exasperation–-bestowed upon parents than their children. They are at times adorable and oh-so-loving, and at other times frustrating and oh-so-demanding, aren’t they?

But who else, or what else, can possibly make you the proudest and most happy that you can be? Who else, or what else, can at times bring out the very best in you? Who else, or what else, gives you as many opportunities for loving self-sacrifice, generosity of spirit, patience, humility, and ingenuity? Who else, or what else, can help you grow as a person as well as your children can?

Building Family Traditions

By Cathy Rodrigues
5 tips for making the holidays memorable!!

1. Establish holiday traditions together as a family.
2. Create ways to express and show how grateful you are at this time of the year. Model this with your kids no matter what their age.
3. Live your life using your strengths such as being grateful, showing love to others and being kind to yourself, kindness and generosity, humility, and transcendence.
4. Treat each other with respect especially during times of stress.
5. Have fun together!

Some things that you can do together to show your gratitute and be of service to others during the holidays are:   
* Take the Values In Action Survey for free at www.authentichappiness.org and identify your top 5 signature strengths.
    * Make a "good deed" paper chain by making a paper chain as a decoration. Write each of your names on a link in the chain Each day each of you will take one link out of the chain, read the name on the paper and do a good deed for your family member whose name is on the link. If you get your own name you can take another link or DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOURSELF!!
    * Wrap special holiday books. Each year you wrap books that you only bring out at holiday time, wrap them and have your kids choose one book each night to unwrap and read. You can use library books as well.
    * Take a nature walk together- Go outside and take a walk together to a place where you all can feed the birds, sing some songs along the way and maybe even get a hot chocolate after you get home.
    * Talk about the Salvation Army bell ringer-Talk about what the bell  ringer s are doing, even in simple terms, " They are collecting money to help people who need food or a place to stay."
    * Buy an extra toy and donate to Toys for Tots or to other community gift donations.
    * Take everyone to a nursing home and read holiday cards to residents.

Holidays and a New Year

by Chuck Adam

Holiday greetings, parents!

In this "idea letter" (V.1, #8) I was planning on addressing the topic Why New School Parenting Methods Work Better, but with the year’s biggest holidays approaching, I decided to say a few words about them, and get back to the New School parenting methods next time.

Your greatest blessings

As we pass through the holidays–holy days–of Christmas, Hanukkha, Kwanzaa, and Eid al Aida on the way to the start of a new year, I want to invite you to consider your greatest blessings (your children) and what your greatest gifts to them might be.

There is probably no greater joy–and possibly no greater exasperation–bestowed upon parents than their children. They are at times adorable and oh-so-loving, and at other times frustrating and oh-so-demanding, aren’t they?

But who else, or what else, can possibly make you the proudest and most happy that you can be? Who else, or what else, can at times bring out the very best in you? Who else, or what else, gives you as many opportunities for loving self-sacrifice, generosity of spirit, patience, humility, and ingenuity? Who else, or what else, can help you grow as a person as well as your children can?

Your greatest challenge

What a blessing they are to you! And what a terrific challenge, day in and day out, week in and week