By Mary Ivory
Note this is a republished article from Toni Shutta's newsletter. We thought you might like it here!
Thanksgiving is a North American holiday associated with the harvest of crops. Although we buy most of our food at the grocery store now, the holiday gives us a good reason to stop and take stock of what we’re grateful for and to take steps to build an attitude of gratitude in our kids.
There’s plenty of research from the field of positive psychology that demonstrates that instilling an attitude of gratitude in your child will have life-long benefits.
(As a background note, positive psychology is the scientific study of what goes right in life from birth to death. It contrasts with the traditional study of psychology that has long focused on problems. Positive psychology studies strengths.)
People who regularly incorporate gratefulness practices in their life also report a higher level of life satisfaction or happiness.
Furthermore, people in a positive emotional state demonstrate more flexibility and creativity in their thinking strategies. And isn’t that what you want for your kids? You want them to be happy and good thinkers.So, let’s look at how to increase the amount of thankfulness in your family. Focused attention is needed, but it’s fun work to do!
1. First, give yourself a gratefulness tune-up. Tonight, and for the next week, while brushing your teeth think about your kids and what experiences you had with them that day that brought you some joy. Have a note pad ready to jot these ideas down.
If you’re feeling really brave, think about the challenges you faced with your child that day. As you brush your teeth, see if you can reframe what that child’s behavior is telling you about yourself, what you can learn, and how you can use that to become a better person. You can include those thoughts on your note pad of ideas, too.
2) Model gratitude. Next time a car cuts you off in traffic and you have a near- miss of an accident while the kids are in the car, instead of cursing the bad driver, comment on the fact that it was a near-miss and you’re glad that you’re are all safe and sound.
3) At bedtime ask your child, “What went well today?” Asking a person “What was special about today?” is a great relationship-builder and offers a connection of reflection and gratitude. Don’t look for big happenings but appreciate the small.
Again, modeling the behavior is good. You might offer, “It feels good when I come home and our dog Snoopy wags his tail when I come in.” Or “Today I had an extra few minutes to prepare the macaroni and cheese we had for dinner and I like how it came out!” Or “I really like that we have nice neighbors who decorate outside for the holidays. I enjoy looking at it.”Your reflections on the day will encourage your child’s ability to reflect on the day. There are no right or wrong answers.
You may want to jot down what your child is grateful for and share it with them at a later date. Sometimes, they’ll surprise you with funny things they’re grateful for.
4) Create a gratefulness paper chain for Thanksgiviving. Gather the supplies -- paper cut into link sized strips, markers and glue -- and have everyone write down several things that they’re grateful for on the paper chain link before they glue it together in a chain. If many people participate or if it’s done daily for a few weeks before the holiday you’ll have a long chain of things to be grateful for that can decorate your home! You could also consider having guests on Thanksgiving Day contribute to the chain.
5. Identify charitable causes. Next time you see an ad for a charity or the bell ringers at Christmas, explain the purpose in childlike terms. “They collect money to help people who need food or housing.” It’s a great way to be aware of others as well as thankful for what we have. See if your child would like to make a contribution.
And last but never least.....Be free and easy with expressing love and gratitude to your family. Do it at least once a day and you will be a positive psychology expert in no time at all.
Do you have an idea for sharing the gratitude attitude? We’d love to hear it!
Written by: Mary Ivory MA LCPC CPC is a counselor, educator and family business life coach. She manages a parenting blog and co authored a book, Parenting By Strengths, with Toni Schutta.
Editor’s Note: I have an idea to share! Use a Special Plate at dinner time. A long time ago I read about a mom in Family Fun magazine who came up with this ritual: Every night at dinnertime one person eats off a plate that looks different than the rest. Every member of the family then takes a turn thanking the person with the “special plate” for something that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. So, for instance you could say to your child, “Thank you for getting your homework done and I didn’t even have to ask you to get started.” Or, you could say to your spouse or partner, “Thanks for grocery shopping today. You know how I hate that chore.”
Then, the special plate rotates each night to another person in the family so you can tell that person what you’re grateful for that relates to them. We’ve done this for years. Starting the meal with these positive affirmations of gratefulness is a wonderful way to connect each day. Toni
