Recently, a school district withdrew dictionaries from a classroom due to a child coming across the term "oral sex" while looking up another term. Read on for more thoughts on the issue, previously published in my Sex in the Suburbs column.
Amy Johnson, MSW, is a professional life and parent coach in Federal Way. She facilitates faith and sexuality classes for youth, and parenting classes in the Puget Sound area.
Saving the children ... from dictionaries? | Amy Johnson
By AMY JOHNSON
Federal Way Mirror Sex in the Suburbs
Feb 01 2010
A school district in Southern California has locked away its dictionaries because a child came across the term “oral sex” while using one.
The decision was prompted by an upset parent, and the tomes remain locked away from the children while a committee considers the appropriateness of their use in the classroom.
Aside from overlooking the fact that an elementary student was actually using a dictionary to look up terms, the school district has taken what is normal and natural (curiosity) and turned it into something shameful and forbidden (because it had to do with sex).
Wake up, Menifee parents. Your kids are going to hear sex terms in school. Wouldn’t you rather they heard about them from you first? Barring that, would you rather they:
• Were misinformed by peers?
• Stumbled across definitions on YouTube or cable TV?
• Looked them up in the dictionary?
By the way, the definition of the offensive term was “oral stimulation of the genitals,” most likely prompting further vocabulary building opportunities for the youngster with the inquiring mind.
Granted, I’m a sexuality educator, and it takes more than those words to get me red-faced. But my point is this: Children are curious about their bodies. In late elementary school, when prepubescence is rampant, questions abound. Gossip, myths and misinformation are commonplace, and to whom do our young offspring turn for answers? If not parents or teachers, why not the dictionary? At least it gives medically and scientifically accurate definitions, which is more than one can say about countless federal and state-funded sex ed programs these days.
Recently, I observed a high school health teacher ask if anyone had followed up on his suggestion to have a discussion with their parents about their beliefs about sexuality. The response? “It was a short conversation. All she said was ‘Don’t do it.’”
These educators and parents missed some exquisite teachable moments. In Menifee, the parent might have talked to his or her child about the term, what it means, asked if he or she had any questions — then taken a prime opportunity to discuss values like:
• “This is not something for children to do, only something only some adults do.”
• “In our family, we believe ____.”
• “Some people don’t realize that STDs can be transmitted through oral sex as well as intercourse, but they can.”
If you think late elementary school is too early to have these conversations, think again. If you don’t prime your child with complete and accurate information before they head off to middle school, their introduction to terms like “oral sex” will be by their peers, and likely to be contaminated with dangerous untruths. Even if your face is red, try: “Honey, I’m a little uncomfortable talking to you about this, but it’s really important you know the truth, and I love you so much that I want you to hear it from me.”
Closer to home, parents of high schoolers were given a prime opportunity, initiated by their children, for a deep and meaningful conversation about beliefs and values. Instead of “Don’t do it,” how about: “What I really want is for you to be safe — with your body, with your emotions, with your spirituality, with your reputation. Here’s what that means to me and here’s why I believe that.”
I hope the administration in the Menifee School District holds fast to its original intent of having collegiate dictionaries in elementary classrooms available for advanced readers to look up terms. Denying them a valid educational resource out of fear of potential discovery of a few words having to do with sexuality among the 470,000-plus entries is ridiculous.
Keeping dictionaries in the classroom is logical. If the committee doubts that, I suggest they look up the definition.
Federal Way Mirror Sex in the Suburbs Amy Johnson can be reached at comments@diligentjoy.com.