Usually on this blog, I write about sexuality issues, but since it's my turn this week, I wanted to give you some tips on what to tell your children about the disaster in Haiti.
Depending on the age of your children, and the level of impact on your family, your actions may be quite different. Here are some quick tips:
For children under 5
Turn off the TV. The images being broadcast can be quite scary for young children. Find other ways to keep up with the news when they are asleep or otherwise occupied. Also be sure you are not neglecting supervision of them in order to check news.
If your family is directly impacted, and you are waiting for news of a loved one, the same guideline applies. Try to keep your child's routine as normal as possible, while reassuring them that people are working hard to help find your loved one.
If you have lost someone close, know that children younger than age 3 generally understand death only as a disappearance. From 3-5, children look at death more as a journey and often have trouble distinguishing between sleep and death. Different scenarios they are processing may come out in their play. Allow them to play, reassure them about who is there to care for them, and answer questions as patiently as you can--they may be frequent and repeated.
Early Childhood/Elementary
Limit media viewing at these ages by previewing first what shows or sites you want your child to see. Children cannot un-see media images, and the ones on many news channels are likely to be scary to them. Do some research or check out the resources below to find some sites that focus on the aid being given, and decide if you want to do something as a family to help.
If your family is directly impacted, and you are waiting for news of a loved one, work to keep up as normal a routine as possible, and focus as much as you can on what people are doing to help.
If you have lost someone close, be honest and upfront with your child. Allow them to attend a memorial service, possibly participating if they want to and there is something simple they can do. Children at this age often see death as something that can happen to others, but not them. However, some need reassuring that it is unlikely a disaster like that would happen where they are. Consider a grief group for children in your community or at school.
Tweens and Teens
Children in middle and high school may want to get information about the crisis, and may even have assignments to find out more information. Watch with them, answer questions, and monitor to know when they've watched enough. Children this age often want to help. Support their efforts to give to agencies or organize activities to raise money to help.
If your family is directly impacted, and you are waiting for news of a loved one, find ways for your child to help. Can they update friends online? Call people to let them know the latest news? Set up a blog or twitter account to keep in touch? If you choose this type of action, consider also creating some "media free" time each day to connect with each other and turn off the bombardment of messages and images.
If you've lost a loved one, find ways for your child to help with the memorial service, or at least allow them to attend if they so desire. Consider a grief or counseling group for them, and monitor for signs their grief has turned to depression. Check this WebMD site or this article for information on what to watch for.
With children of any age, remember your own self-care. The situation in Haiti is overwhelming, so do what you need to keep from becoming overwhelmed yourself. Focus on the good that is happening, turn off the tv, take a break from the news, exercise, sleep well, and find a way to contribute.
More Resources:
Grief and Children:
http://childparenting.about.com/cs/emotionalhealth/a/childgrief.htm
http://www.americanhospice.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogsection&id=11&Itemid=47
Family Friendly Ways to Help in Haiti:
Red Cross (texting campaign and more)
K.I.D.S. (Kids In Distressed Situations)
Amy Johnson, MSW, is a Personal Life and Parent Coach who is passionate about working with parents regarding balance, self-care and faith and sexuality. She is co-author of the book, Parenting by Strengths: A Parent's Guide to Challenging Situations. To read more by Amy, go to her website. Amy is also a member of the Best Parent Coaching Directory. Click here to contact Amy.
