Lately, there has been a media firestorm over comments made by David Letterman on his show regarding Sarah Palin's daughter. Here are some thoughts on gender, sexism, and what a parent can do.
While we have made many gains in women's rights in our country, subtle sexism remains. Much like the subtleties of racism, these practices often leave parents wondering if they really need to intervene. What's the right thing to do when David Letterman makes a joke about Alex Rodriguez "knocking up" Sarah Palin's daughter? Let it go? Rant and rave? Discuss it? It depends.
Comedians often get laughs at the expense of a group of people, whether they be female, politicians, gay, male, an ethnic group, a professional group--whomever. For the purpose of this article, I am going to focus on some of the ways women are degraded in our society, knowing full well that others are, too. Women are often sexualized in the media--movie stars with unrealistic body shapes held up as role models, models with eating disorders used to advertise products aimed at young girls and women, sexualized photographs used to sell clothing, beverages, cars--as well as story books and toys that focus on girls being rescued by strong, powerful male figures.
What is important for parents is to be aware of the onslaught of messages our boys and girls are receiving, discerning which are in line with our values and which are not, and taking time to discuss the issues and provide experiences for our children that show the capabilities of both men and women. In the case of Mr. Letterman's joke, I would no more want a son to identify with an aggressive, sexualizing male role model than I would want a daughter to identify with a weak, permissive woman who would allow such a man to take advantage of her. Both sides need to be addressed.
When children are young, provide a variety of toys that are not gender specific in your household. Play-dough, paint, blocks, Slinkies, balls, pots and pans are a few examples. Let your children use their imagination for the purposes of the toys, and avoid single-use toys as much as possible. Does this mean you never let Barbie or Batman darken your doors? No. Just make sure Barbie can change the oil in her jeep, and Batman is seen making dinner for his fellow superheroes now and then if you want to address gender stereotypes.
As children get older, talk to them. Challenge any gender stereotypes they come up with, honoring differences among people and encouraging them to understand and respect all people regardless of their gender. Avoid complaining about your spouse or partner in front of your child. Participate in non-traditional activities from time to time, even if it is out of your comfort zone.
For more information and some resources to launch discussions, try these. Remember, respect is the name of the game!
Dove Real Beauty Campaign Videos (I particularly recommend "Onslaught" and "Evolution")
Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch
Oliver Button is a Sissy by Tomi dePaola
Body Drama by Nancy Amanda Redd
Amy Johnson, MSW, is a Personal Life and Parent Coach who is passionate about working with parents regarding balance, self-care and faith and sexuality. She is co-author of the book, Parenting by Strengths: A Parent's Guide to Challenging Situations. To read more by Amy, go to Diligent Joy Blog. Amy is also a member of the Best Parent Coaching Directory. Click here to contact Amy.
