by Ginger Danz, M.S., LPC
Every once in awhile a book comes along and knocks me a little
sideways. "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn did for me what every
good non-fiction book should do, which is make me think, question,
worry, and explore my convictions. Kohn debunks a lot of traditional
parenting ideas. He makes a convincing case for abolishing the use of
the rewards/punishment system of parenting and replacing it with
methods that encourage problem solving, child-involvement and loving
kindness. I think every parent should read this book, whether they
agree with it or not. But my goal here isn't to give a synopsis of the
book or to sell copies. My objective today is to share a little pearl
from the book that can be applied to all areas of our lives.
Kohn
encourages us to say "yes" as often as we can. I started thinking about
how many times my toddler hears "no" on a daily basis and I'm
uncomfortable with the answer. Sometimes even good parents get stuck in
a "no" rut, especially with toddlers, who are inevitably drawn to the
most dangerous, dirty or expensive items in the room. Kohn suggests
that we only say no when we have absolutely solid reasons for doing so
(like immediate safety issues).
How many times a day do you say
no to your kids, your pets, your significant other, yourself? Next time
you're about to say "no" (to that game of cards, dinner out, a walk in
the park, a phone call), consider changing your answer to yes. Examine
your automatic "no's." Are your reasons for saying it rock-solid? If
not, maybe you're closing yourself (or your kids) off from potentially
valuable experiences. Just say yes!
