Most people would agree that preventing a problem is preferred to reacting to a problem. This considered, most parents would agree that they would rather PREVENT a childhood meltdown than have to REACT to a childhood meltdown.
The 12-step literature uses an acronym to help guide people to keep their lives in check, to prevent an "adult meltdown". This acronym is HALTS and stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, and Scared.
HALTS is a powerful tool no matter the age, but applied to children can be especially helpful. Read on...
HUNGRY - this is a no-brainer for most parents. We already keep the bag of cheerios, crackers, juice and water handy for our little ones so that there isn't a meltdown in the store. Remember that Hungry also applies to bigger kids.
ANGRY - there is a problem that needs to be solved. Think - I can't tie my shoe, can't have ice cream, can't understand my homework, can't stay up late, can't get along with my friend, etc. As parents, our job is to help coach our kids through the problem-solving maze, but not solve the problem for them.
LONELY - a person wants attention or is bored. The 3 year old who colors on the wall is probably not "trying to get mom", but was bored and saw the wall as an incredible canvas and opportunity to explore. Addressing "Lonely" is not a call to over-program every minute of a child's day, but does encourage a parent to be mindful that a child may not have the adult coping skills to manage "lonely" and so may resort to attention-seeking behavior.
SCARED - feeling unsafe or out-of-control. As parents, our job is to help our children "find their courage". Feeling safer can be accomplished through our thoughts, e.g., "I can do this", and actions, e.g., turning on the closet light at night or practicing doing something new until it becomes more familiar. Giving age-appropriate information goes a long way toward helping a child feel more in-control.
The next step is to notice your child's triggers within HALTS. This is where the prevention happens. Each time your child has a meltdown, ask yourself which trigger was present - H A L T or S? (not every child will have the same primary trigger). Now you have your individual guide for meltdown prevention and intervention.
Post a comment and let me know your thoughts.
Beverly Dolenz Walsh, Ph.D.
Psychologist, Life and Family Coach
Dr.Bev@sbcglobal.net
Imagine Your Life...Then Live It!
