Parenting by Strengths

Three Surprising Secrets for a Successful Summer by Toni Schutta

You're probably busy planning every detail so your kids can have a memorable summer packed with vacations, summer camps, sports activites and more.

 

As you finish yoru planning, be sure to allow time for three surprising activites that are research-proven to help your child's emotional, neurological and physical well-being.

 

Parenting Tip #1: Allow time each day for unstructured, child-directed play (or free time for adolescents).

 

Research is emerging that the hectic lifestyle that many parents have chosen for their children may be harmful to a child’s development.

 

Remember when you were growing up and you just went outside to play? It turns out that the fun you had using your imagination, playing tag and hanging out with other kids was actually causing nerve growth in the frontal cortex of your brain which controls the executive controls, along with numerous other positive neurological developments.

 

There are other benefits to play: it requires attention and sharpens the senses; it demands mental dexterity and flexibility; it thrives on possibility; it expands human variability; it expands our nervous system; it allows us to take risks and try on new roles; it teaches kids how to get along with others and control themselves; it encourages creative problem-solving; it fosters decision making, memory, thinking and speeds up mental processing; it reduces aggression; it develops brain cells that exert control over attention, regulate emotions and control behavior. (1)

 

In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics has called unstructured play and free time "essential to development and the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights has recognized play as a right of every child. (2)

  

Many children have limited access to play, however. With the increased marketing machine that urges parents to buy gadgets that will give kids an “edge,” to the increased academic pressures from No Child Left Behind, the professionalism of kids’ sports and over-the-top college admissions pressures, parents have succumb to the notion that their child has to be involved in multiple structured activities and has to excel at all of them.

 

Play and free time have decreased rapidly. The amount of free time in unstructured play and outdoor activities decreased from 40% of children’s time in 1981 to just 25% of a child’s day in 1997 (1) and I would guess in 2009, that number may be reduced to 15%. When children do have free time, their favorite activities are TV, computer use and video games, all sedentary pursuits that limit creativity.

So what’s a parent to do? Cut back on the number of organized activities your child is in and just let him/her have down time. Provide toys that are conducive to imaginative play. Limit the time your child is on electronic gadgets. Send them outside. Teach them old-fashioned games and let them hang out with the neighbor kids.

 

Your kids may need some ideas to get started. Three websites that provide a listing of fun outdoor games for kids are: http://grandparents.about.com/od/projectsactivities/tp/OutdoorGames.htm

http://www.indianchild.com/outdoorgames1.htmand http://familyfun.go.com/games/indoor-outdoor-games/

 

Secret # 2: Let your child connect with nature.

 

A movement is sweeping the country with the claim that our children have “Nature-Deficit Disorder.”

Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Wood, who first coined the term, describes it this way. 

 

“Nature-deficit disorder is not an official diagnose but a way of viewing the problem, and describes the human costs of alienation from nature, among them: diminished use of the senses, attention difficulties, and higher rates of physical and emotional illnesses. The disorder can be detected in individuals, families, and communities.” (3)

 

Others are reminding us that “No Child Left Inside” should be the goal. “In a typical week, only 6 percent of children, ages nine to thirteen, play outside on their own.”  (3)

 

Yet the effects of connecting with nature are bountiful. “Children are smarter, more cooperative, happier and healthier when they have frequent and varied opportunities for free and unstructured play in the out-of-doors. Green plants and play yards reduce children’s stress. Free play in natural areas enhances children’s cognitive flexibility, problem-solving ability, creativity, self-esteem, and self-discipline. Students score higher on standardized tests when natural environments are integral to schools’ curricula. Effects of attention-deficit disorder are reduced when children have regular access to the out-of-doors.” (3)

 

The recommendation is for parents and grandparents to simply take children outdoors and share the joys of connecting with nature. Visiting a park, playing in the backyard or walking in the woods will have restorative powers for stressed out kids and adults.

 

Families who want to take a bigger step can organize a nature club. Here’s a link on how to get started: http://www.childrenandnature.org/downloads/NCFF_toolkit.pdf

 

Secret # 3: Just hang out as a family.

 

The number one factor in keeping children emotionally healthy, drug and alcohol free and out of trouble is the amount of time they spend with their families, according to Bill Doherty, head of the Family Social Science Department at the University of Minnesota (4).

 

Studies that show sharp declines in the number of conversations that children have with family members, the number of family dinners people share, and the lack of free time that families have for connecting. “A warm and limit-setting family is the most important element for kids and that requires a lot of time, time not spent running around.  Children need time to daydream, to chill out.  We’ve reversed it all,” said Doherty.

 

"A deep-seated connectedness to and caring about others that create the love, safety, and security that children need to thrive" is what children need most to survive in an ever-increasingly challenging world, according to an American Academy of Pediatrics report. (2)

Family activities such as talking, making meals, playing games, playing sports are some of the best interactions which occur when downtime is allowed, the report concluded. The tried and true method for helping children be successful is family time.

Doherty and co-creator Barbara Carlson have a web-site (and a movement) called www.puttingfamilyfirst.org  that provides parents with tools for putting the breaks on overscheduling and practical tips for reconnecting as a family.

In conclusion, children need a balance of activities to help them develop fully. Free time, family time and connecting with nature in combination with structured activities and academic pursuits will help your child build a strong foundation for success.

References:

1. Marano Estroff, hara. A Nation of Wimps, Broadway Books, New York: 2008: pp. 85-92.

2.      Ginsberg, Kenneth, M.D., The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds, American Academy of Pediatrics, 2007. 

3.      Charles, Cheryl, Louv, Richard et al, Children and Nature 2008: A Report on the Movement to Reconnect Children to the Natural World, http://www.childrenandnature.org/downloads/CNMovement.pdf

4.      Doherty, William, Ph. D.  Overscheduled Kids, Underconnected Families: The Research Evidence.  http://www.puttingfamilyfirst.org/research.php

If you'd like to receive helpful parenting tips each month, simply sign up for a free email parenting newsletter here: www.familiesfirstcoaching.com.

10 Quick Ways to Analyze Children's Books for Racism and Sexism

by Janice Van Buren, Ph.D.

Since the case of Loving v Virginia(1967) when the laws prohibiting interracial marriage was overturned by the Supreme Court(Supreme-Justia,2009),people who identify themselves as "biracial" or "multiracial" have been one of the fastest growing populations during the past 30 to 40 years. However, it is only recently that there has been an increase in cultural support for biracial parenting and more awareness and acceptance of biracial and multicultural heritages in our society.

This acceptance  has resulted in  increased resources and supports for biracial parenting. Because children learn the importance of race  through cultural messages in interpersonal interactions, television, film, and print materials, the need for open discussions about race and racism in important in your child's identity development.

In my chapter in Parenting by Strengths I have  suggested ways to developing a comfortable  level in talking to your child about race and racism. One way is to read stories, appropriate to your child' age and development, that teach him/her how to identify racism and race-related ideas in the story books. Your child can transfer what he/she learned to the outside world, such as, the school room, the playground, friends' homes, etc.

Along with increases in support and resources more books are being written for biracial and multiracial children and teens. I think the following ten guidelines are relevant today( despite the seemingly outdated selections of stereotypes used which may have given way to more subtle stereotypes)  as a starting point in helping you, as parents, in evaluating and choosing  books for your child.

1. Check the Illustrations 

Look for Stereotypes. A stereotype is an over-simplified generalization about a particular group, race
or sex, which usually carries derogatory implications. Some infamous (overt) stereotypes of blacks
are the happy-go-lucky, watermelon-eating Sambo and the fat, eye-rolling "mammy"; of Chicanos, the
sombrero-wearing peon or fiesta-loving, macho bandito; of Asian Americans, the inscrutable,
slant-eyed "Oriental"; of Native Americans, the naked savage or "primitive brave" and his "squaw";
of Puerto Ricans, the switchblade-toting teenage gang member; of women, the completely
domesticated mother, the demure, doll-loving little girl or the wicked stepmother. While you may not
always find stereotypes in the blatant forms described, look for variations which in any way demean
or ridicule characters because of their race or sex. 

Look for Tokenism. If there are racial minority characters in the illustrations, do they look just like
whites except for being tinted or colored in? Do all minority faces look stereotypically alike, or are
they depicted as genuine individuals with distinctive features?
Who's Doing What? Do the illustrations depict minorities in subservient and passive roles or in
leadership and action roles? Are males the active "doers" and females the inactive observers? 

2. Check the Story Line 

Liberation movements have led publishers to weed out many insulting passages, particularly from
stories with Black themes and from books depicting female characters; however, racist and sexist
attitudes still find expression in less obvious ways. The following checklist suggests some of the
subtle (covert) form of bias to watch for. 

Standards for Success. Does it take "white" behavior standards for a minority person to "get ahead"?
Is "making it" in the dominant white society projected as the only ideal? To gain acceptance and
approval, do persons of color have to exhibit extraordinary qualities - excel in sports, get As, etc.? In
friendships between white and non-white children, is it the child of color who does most of the
understanding and forgiving? 

Resolution of Problems. How are problems presented, conceived and resolved in the story? Are
minority people considered to be "the problem"? Are the oppressions faced by minorities and women
represented as related to social injustice? Are the reasons for poverty and oppression explained, or are
they accepted as inevitable? Does the story line encourage passive acceptance or active resistance? Is
a particular problem that is faced by a racial minority person or female resolved through the
benevolent intervention of a white person or male?
Role of Women. Are the achievements of girls and women based on their own initiative and
intelligence, or are they due to their good looks or to their relationship with boys? Are sex roles
incidental or critical to characterization and plot? could the same story be told if the sex roles were
reversed? 

3. Look at the Lifestyles 

Are minority persons and their setting depicted in such a way that they contrast unfavorably with the
unstated norm of white middle-class suburbia? If the minority group in question is depicted as
"different", are negative value judgments implied? Are minorities depicted exclusively in ghettos,
barrios, or migrant camps? If the illustrations and text attempt to depict another culture, do they go
beyond over-simplifications and offer genuine insight into another lifestyle? Look for inaccuracy and
inappropriateness in the depiction of other cultures. Watch for instances of the "quaint-natives-
in-costume" syndrome (most noticeable in areas like clothing and custom, but extending to behavior
and personality traits as well). 

4. Weigh the Relationships Between People 

Do the whites in the story possess the power, take the leadership, and make the important decisions?
Do racial minorities and females of all races function is essentially supporting roles?
How are family relationships depicted? In Black families, is the mother always dominant? In Hispanic
families, are there always lots of children? If the family is separated, are societal conditions -
unemployment, poverty, for example - cited among the reasons for the separation? 

5. Note the Heroes

For many years, books showed only "safe" minority heroes - those who avoided serious conflict with
the white establishment of their time. Minority groups today are insisting on the right to define their
own heroes (of both sexes) based on their own concepts and struggles for justice.
When minority heroes do appear, are they admired for the same qualities that have made white heroes
famous or because what they have done has benefited white people? Ask this question: "Whose
interest is a particular hero really serving?" 

6. Consider the Effect on a Child's Self-Image 

Are norms established which limit any child's aspirations and self-concept? What effect can it have on
images of the color white as the ultimate in beauty, cleanliness, virtue, etc., and the color black as evil, dirty, menacing, etc.? Does the book counteract or reinforce this positive association with the color white and negative association with black?

What happens to a girl's self-image when she reads that boys perform all of the brave and important
deeds? What about a girl's self-esteem if she is not "fair" of skin and slim of body?
In a particular story, is there one or more persons with whom a minority child can readily identify to a
positive and constructive end? 

7. Consider the Author's or Illustrator's Background 

Analyze the biographical material on the jacket flap or the back of the book. If a story deals with a
minority theme, what qualifies the author or illustrator to deal with the subject? If the author and
illustrator are not members of the minority being written about, is there anything in their background
that would specifically recommend them as the creators of this book? 

8. Check Out the Author's Perspective 

No author can be wholly objective. All authors write out of a cultural, as well as a personal context.
Children's books in the past have traditionally come from authors who were white and who were
members of the middle class, with one result being that a single ethnocentric perspective has
dominated children's literature in the United States. With any book in question, read carefully to
determine whether the direction of the author's perspective substantially weakens or strengthens the
value of his/her written work. Is the perspective patriarchal or feminist? is it solely eurocentric, or do
minority cultural perspectives also appear? 

9. Watch for Loaded Words 

A word is loaded when it has insulting overtones. Examples of loaded adjectives (usually racist) are
"savage," "primitive," "lazy," "superstitious," "treacherous," "wily," "crafty," "inscrutable," "docile,"
and "backward"."
Look for sexist language and adjectives that exclude or ridicule women. Look for use of the male
pronoun to refer to both males and females. While the generic use of the word "man" was accepted in
the past, its use today is outmoded. The following examples show how sexist language can be
avoided: ancestors instead of forefathers; chairperson instead of chairman; community instead of
brotherhood; firefighters instead of firemen; manufactured instead of manmade; the human family
instead of the family of man. 

10. Look at the Copyright Date 

Books on minority themes - usually hastily conceived - suddenly began appearing in the mid-1960s.
There followed a growing number of 'minority experience" books to meet the new market demand,
but most of these were still written by the white authors, edited by white editors and published by
white publishers. They therefore reflected a white point of view. Not until the early 1970s has the
children's book world begun to even remotely reflect the realities of a multiracial society. The new
direction resulted from the emergence of minority authors writing about their own experiences.
Unfortunately, this trend has been reversing, as publishers have cut back on such books. Non-sexist
books, with rare exceptions, were not published before 1973.

The copyright dates, therefore, can be a clue as to how likely the book is to be overtly racist or sexist,
although a recent copyright date, of course, is no guarantee of a book's relevance or sensitivity. The
copyright date only means the year the book was published. It usually takes about two years from the
time a manuscript is submitted to the publisher to the time it is actually printed and put on the market. 

This time lag meant very little in the past, but in a time of rapid change and changing consciousness,
when children's book publishing is attempting to be "relevant," it is becoming increasingly significant.

This list was developed by the Council on Interracial Books for Children, a pioneer in the awareness of issues in evaluating multicultural literature for children and teens from the mid-1960s through the mid 1980s. The council, founded in1965, was the result of the Civil Rights Movement.

Reference:

10 Quick Ways to Analyze Children’s Books. Retrieved June 22,2009 from http://www.birchlane.davis.ca.us/library/10quick.htm.

Loving v Virginia (1967) "Virginia's statutory scheme to prevent marriage between persons solely on the basis of reacial cllassificationheld to violate the equal protection and Due Process clauses of the Fourteenth Amendent."Pp388 U.S.4-12. Retrieved June ww, 2009 from http://supreme.justia.com/us/388/1/case.html.

Subtle Sexism

by Amy Johnson, MSW

Lately, there has been a media firestorm over comments made by David Letterman on his show regarding Sarah Palin's daughter.  Here are some thoughts on gender, sexism, and what a parent can do.

Struggling to Write

As I wrote in my chapter of Parenting by Strengths, I have always struggled with writing.  I am faced with the irony that I write for a living.  I think that I have also underestimated how much I continue to struggle with this.  I will be ending my job at the end of the month.   Although there were many reasons for this struggling with writing was one of them.   I had been writing psychological evaluations for may years, but I had never had to write any Individual Evaluation Plans (IEPs) until last year.  I managed to write them well enough--but not quickly enough.   Several of them were late, and as the Department of Education regulates the timelines, being late is a serious problem.

I have had many opportunities to think about my writing struggle when sitting in Team meetings.  I have been involved in several meetings recently during which I felt a huge amount of empathy for the children being discussed.  Just last week I listened to a colleague talking about a child she had observed.  She reported that he had written only two or three lines in the twenty-five minutes she had been observing him.   The conversation at the meeting was about his difficulty focusing and attending.  It simply never occurred to anyone in the room that the task of writing a paragraph could be at all difficult--for a third grader--or for an adult.   A few weeks ago a child had missed several days of school due to stomach upset.  It was clear from the testing that both of these children struggle with writing.  They write slowly, they aren't sure about spelling, and their handwriting is poor. 

I know exactly how they feel.  To this day, I get tense and anxious when I am faced with a blank page, especially when the topic is a new one.  I don't worry about test reports anymore, and as time goes on I don't take as long to write up my IEPs.  However, every time I write a new blog entry, I think about those two children, and all of the others who are seen as inattentive, having somatic symptoms, or just as lazy.  I know that they can learn how to manage their fears, and maybe they too will write a blog someday.

Coaching And Montessori: Entrepreneurship And Creative Careers

By Steve Coxsey 

A couple of years back I won a friendly bidding war during the auction at my younger son’s Montessori school fundraiser. I bought a picture of his class posing with their teachers, Ms. Marisa and Ms. Delaina. The children’s signatures are on the matting around the edge. The signatures are special, and a nice reminder of a specific time in my son’s life, but I was especially interested in the picture because of what else is on the matting. 

What’s Good About ADHD?

I work in a school for children in the third to fifth grades.   As one of the school psychologists I spend a lot of my time evaluating those children and developing behavior plans for them.   However, it is my position that very little in life and in school are without any good to them.  Yes, the children we develop behavior plans for are difficult to teach and to manage in the classroom.  Yes, they would learn more if they could focus better.   Still I sometimes think about what we would all miss if these children were not among us.

Sexuality Education Defined

by Amy Johnson, MSW

The internet was a-buzz this week with posts and links about President Obama's new budget that has removed funding for abstinence-only sexuality education.Stopping short of opening up a funding stream for comprehensive sexuality education, this budget proposal does include money for teen pregnancy prevention.
What's the difference? 

Yes. No? Maybe so!

by Ginger Danz, M.S., LPC

Every once in awhile a book comes along and knocks me a little sideways. "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn did for me what every good non-fiction book should do, which is make me think, question, worry, and explore my convictions. Kohn debunks a lot of traditional parenting ideas. He makes a convincing case for abolishing the use of the rewards/punishment system of parenting and replacing it with methods that encourage problem solving, child-involvement and loving kindness. I think every parent should read this book, whether they agree with it or not. But my goal here isn't to give a synopsis of the book or to sell copies. My objective today is to share a little pearl from the book that can be applied to all areas of our lives.

Kohn encourages us to say "yes" as often as we can. I started thinking about how many times my toddler hears "no" on a daily basis and I'm uncomfortable with the answer. Sometimes even good parents get stuck in a "no" rut, especially with toddlers, who are inevitably drawn to the most dangerous, dirty or expensive items in the room. Kohn suggests that we only say no when we have absolutely solid reasons for doing so (like immediate safety issues).

How many times a day do you say no to your kids, your pets, your significant other, yourself? Next time you're about to say "no" (to that game of cards, dinner out, a walk in the park, a phone call), consider changing your answer to yes. Examine your automatic "no's." Are your reasons for saying it rock-solid? If not, maybe you're closing yourself (or your kids) off from potentially valuable experiences. Just say yes!

Coaching And Montessori: The Roots Of Resilience

By Steve Coxsey 

If you have a chance to visit a Montessori school during a typical day, as opposed to during a special event day, you might see a refreshingly curious site. Two, or sometimes three or more, children might be sitting together at a table or in a small circle talking seriously. They’re not playing during free time, and they’re not working on a project together. They’re resolving conflicts with just a little bit of direction from their teacher. 

Teaching Children with Learning Disabilities to Make Friends

Posted by: Cathy Rodrigues

This is a great article written by Mary Alward and posted on the One Place for Special Needs resource website. The article was posted in the Local School Directory website which has a wealth of articles and information. Some good ideas are presented and certainly a good place to start for parents who want to know how to help. With this information you can better ask questions and get help where you think you need help. Let me know what you think!
Cathy

Written By: Mary M. Alward

Children with learning disabilities often have trouble making and retaining friendships. Some kids know the social graces of initiating friendships, but have no idea how to sustain the relationship. Kids with learning disabilities often allow friendships to end because they don’t understand how to work out conflicts that occur on the schoolyard or in the community.